One of the most frequently asked questions I hear is this:
“Here is what happened ______________ (insert all the sordid and painful details). Do I still have a chance or is it hopeless?”
Have you ever wondered this? I know I have. I also know this goes beyond just the situation with your ex. It applies to every part of our lives, doesn’t it? When things go awry (and how often does that happen:), what do we do?
As people we have an ingrained psychological NEED to feel and exercise our personal power.
This doesn’t mean anything weird like being more powerful than others, or bullying people. What it means is that we need to feel like we have some control over our own lives.
One of the most devastating things about a breakup is the loss of this feeling of power. The choice of our happiness feels like it has been taken from us. That is devastating to our state of well being.
Does this make sense? Have you ever felt this way?
If so, I have some good news. You can change this feeling by changing the way you look at the situation. Or, to put it another way, by changing the way you interpret it. What this will do for you is allow you feel better and be stronger, more confident and happier than you would have been otherwise.
Here’s the first step: the way you interpret a situation has everything to do with how you feel about it. Often after a breakup, we think our ex isn’t thinking about us at all, that they are moving on, and happy with life without us. This is devastating to our well-being.
Well, who says they are moving on and happy with life? You do. You are the one who is saying that. You are telling it to yourself. Is it possible you could tell yourself something different? If you are telling yourself one thing that makes you feel like crap, would you be willing to tell yourself something different that would make you feel better?
If you’re not willing to try it, then you are obviously devoted to being miserable. If you aren’t willing to TRY something that can make you feel better, than you are choosing (for whatever reason) to be sad. And being sad isn’t as fun as being happy. It’s easier, but not as much fun.
Okay, so what can you think instead? Think this: “My ex is sad and missing me because we had some great times and shared some deep emotion. They may appear to be doing better, but it’s just an act. They are a better actor than I am, but in no less pain. “What this does for you is profound. It allows you to feel wanted. To feel a sense of power again. Imagine if you were to believe the statement above were true. Wouldn’t you feel stronger, more confident and more sure of how to move forward? Wouldn’t you feel like you had more options than just waiting for them to call you, text you or ask you out? Wouldn’t it feel like the deepest needs we have (to feel wanted, to have some sense of control over our own lives) would be more satisfied?
Now listen, if you’re still reading this, it’s obvious that you are a person that takes action to create your happiness. Here’s what to do next:
Go HERE and check out what this guy is offering. Listen to his video and see if that makes any sense to you. If so, check out his course. I’ve reviewed it myself and think it’s awesome.
Confidence is contagious, isn’t it? You’ve been around people who are confident, right? Not cocky, but confident. Confident in you and your strengths. How does that make you feel?
Confident. Now go get your ex back. With this new found confidence!